Thursday, September 19, 2013

Egg Grog

NOTE: This entire post must be read with gruff, vaguely old-English pronunciation.

Ahoy, ye scallywags!  If ye been payin' yer dues 'n readin' our tales o' gold-bellied egg drinks strong enough to rot yer chompers, ye know that we hafta set a holiday in this, the first fall month o' September, to honor with a new flavor o' eggnog.  And ye may have also noticed that today be the perfect day fer it, what with it bein' International Talk Like A Pirate day 'n all.  Now every good pirate knows that the best bit about bein' a pirate isn't the lootin' or the cutlasses, but is instead Ham Nite.  Ye may have noticed in the clips that afore the cap'n settled on Ham Nite, grog was in the runnin' to be the best bit o' the pirate life.

A normal grog is mix o' hot water, citrus juice (to keep the scurvy away), cinnamon, and honey.  And o' course, lots o' rum.  What the recipes above be missin', though, is the egg.  With the recipe below, ye can be sure that the best bit o' bein' a pirate would o' been the egg grog.  Should ye see fit, ye can follow the treasure map below to find some egg grog right in yer own kitchen.

Ye best start as afore, with six cackle-fruits, separatin' the yolks from their shells and whites, beatin' 'em like a bilge rat 'til they be thick and light gold, and mixin' in a pint and a half o' milk, or thereabouts.  If ye be from the Royal Navy, heat it up to 160 °F to kill any salmonella that might be lurkin' in yer eggs.  Real pirates with no fear o' Davy Jones' locker skip to the next step.
Add in a few pinches o' cinnamon, a quarter pint o' honey, an eighth pint o' frozen pineapple juice concentrate, and as much rum as ye see fit.  The exact measurements aren't important, lads--we're makin' a pirate brew here.  Mix it all together as if it were a giant whirlpool ready to swallow a ship whole.
When ye add the pineapple and rum, there's a good chance that some o' the milk and egg will take to separatin' from the mixture.  Should that occur, pull out yer electric trident and blend it back together.  Some scurvy landlubbers have come to call their electric tridents 'stick blenders,' but named them The Kraken for the purposes o' this post.
When yer grog has an acceptable disposition, pour it into yer steins and throw some shredded coconut on the top.  Ye can think of it as white seaweed or calamari if ye like.  'Tis a grand booty.
The Recipe:
6 cackle-fruits, just the yolks
1.5 pints (3 c.) milk
0.5 teaspoons cinnamon
0.25 pints (0.5 c.) honey
0.125 pints (0.25 c.) pineapple juice concentrate
Shredded coconut

Beat the yolks 'til they be thick and bright gold, then mix in the milk.  Heat to 160 °F if ye see fit.  Mix in honey, cinnamon, pineapple juice concentrate and rum.  Beat until it's frothy as flotsam.  Top with coconut and take a hearty swig, mates!  Shiver me timbers, that's good!

Be ye ready to take to a life at sea for the egg grog alone?  What be yer favorite pirate brew?  Don't swing the lead, mates--let us know in the comments section asunder!

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